When I originally wrote this article, I had been coming out of COVID. Because I was extremely fatigued, and ill, I had to restrict myself to what I could reasonably handle. Such as cooking lots of soup. A LOT of soup.
Since I had limited energy, I could not spend much time on any screen. In fact, my computer was off for the better part of a week, but I had access through my phone. I checked email, but nothing else was important, especially social media.
I have enough anxiety and I realize social media adds to it. Social media, including LinkedIn, is a killer to self-esteem. Cutting off for two weeks allowed me to avoid feeling anxious. It didn’t matter what everyone else was doing, and what I wasn’t.
My advice to you—based on what psychologists tell us and what I’ve learned—is that if you are struggling with your self-worth, avoid turning to social media. Comparing ourselves to others weakens our resolve. Of course, we’re not like other people, we’re unique. While it’s okay to want to be the next Hemmingway, you won’t be, because you are you. And you KNOW that social media is the least honest place. Everyone creates posts and posts images that leave out the truth while they elevate themselves.
British inspirational writer, poet, and author Euginia Herlihy said: “Comparison is the most poisonous element in the human heart because it destroys ingenuity and it robs peace and joy.”
When you compare your writing goals, or even your business goals, to what others are doing and you are not, we allow others to put labels on us. This saps our mental and emotional strength. Our brilliance is now masked by discontent. We lose our peace and joy, as Herlihy points out.
“Comparison is the most poisonous element in the human heart because it destroys ingenuity and it robs peace and joy.” — Euginia Herlihy, author
Finding and creating support
Still, we need people, and we need people who are supportive. Hang out with them. Reach out to like-minded individuals and have personal conversations. Instead of joining groups on Facebook, start your own private writing club with individuals you feel comfortable with. You can find them in your network and reach out and ask if they’d be interested in joining you for a monthly chat.
Schedule monthly Zoom conversations where you see each other and support one another in your work. Or, get a small group together to meet in person for coffee once or twice a month to share writing, and get and give helpful feedback.
If you struggle to feel happy for a colleague in her achievements, that is a sign you need to seek support. We all want to feel valued for our hard work, and rejection is our torture. But if you use rejection as a learning tool, and you have others to rally around you in your journey, you’ll have the strength you need to keep going and not give up.
Grinding away can seem relentless. Trust me, I’ve been seeking clients for almost four years, and it’s been touch and go for a long time. And I realize it might take more years to get my work published. But I keep going. And when I get tired, I visit a garden or a museum or spend time with friends. When I finally shake COVID and regain my energy, I’ll spend time on the golf course with hubby. Because in the end, sometimes our biggest supporters are ourselves and people who genuinely love and care about us. And we need to take care of our supporters!
Where do you find your support? What do you do to take care of yourself and refresh?
Find support for your writing and goals by seeking like-minded individuals in person. Avoid comparing yourself to others and what they seem to be doing that you are not. Stay off of social media as it kills self-esteem. Remember, you have value and someone, at some point, will recognize in you what you already know.
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